XXX-POSTED


Guess which game I finished?



Make no mistake: I'm a pretty easy-going lady when it comes to shovelware games. Hell, I even had fun playing the Bratz Ponyz game, which had this lovely laid-back soundtrack and some gorgeous graphics. It does take a LOT to get me to curse at a video game, and the last ds game I played that made me say BAD WORDS was "Homie Rollerz"



Don't be fooled by the official trailer! They don't even SELL this game at "Best Guy". Also, Best Guy doesn't exist. STILL! don't be fooled.



Cory in the House, for those who want to know, is about Cory in the White house. It's a spinoff from "That's So Raven" and he's like raven's brother? I don't really know or care! Anyway! Cory's father is the official cook for the President, Something Martinez. He lives in the white house or something, and he has this band with these two kids from high school or middle school or whatever. One of them is this blond surfer dork and the other's this broad from a foreign country and her dad's an ambassador and there are plenty of "laffs" to be had about the crazy ways of her homeland! FUNNY. There band's called DC3 and Cory is always trying to make money and whatever, that's Cory in the House.



The ad is not telling the truth. This game has no fun. Ever. The Plot? There's some fucking bobble head dolls Cory made for this contest and he sells them to people at the mall and then the bobbleheads hypnotize everyone and whatever and Cory and his friends have to save the day or something, I don't fucking know. You also have a magic PDA and like some cia weapons and exploding muffins.

Each """episode""" consists of you doing this really weird sequence of selecting paths to go down and then wandering around stopping people and trying to save the day or whatever. Then you go home and do this absolutely AWFUL Oendan/Elite Beat Agents style rhythm game. It's EXACTLY like Oendan/EBA. EXACTLY. Except, you know, it's not in any sort of rhythm and it goes on and on and it's also not fun.

While the rest of the game is dull and derivative, it does have ONE unique feature that I have Never ever EVER seen in a game:



It has a LAUGH TRACK

I'm not joking at all, during the cut scenes where the characters talk back and forth there's a LAUGH TRACK whenever someone makes a joke. Every. Single. Time. And one time when there wasn't even a joke at all! Not only does it have the typical laugh track laugh, it has the SOMEONE JUST MADE A JOKE AFTER THE JOKE WHOOOHAHAHA YEAH CLAP CLAP laugh for when something's especially """"funny"""".

A LAUGH TRACK.

I'll wrap up this review with some QUICK POINTS

*The blond kid constantly talks about hearing voices in his head. I guess it's because he's supposed to be Ditzy but I think I'm at a point in my life where seeing signs of schizophrenia as a sort of character gag as a bit terrible!

*The President's daughter sold all of Cory's dolls for a new phone and Cory had to get them back. What a bitch, man. Cory probably can't tell anyone about it because it's the president's daughter and like, you can't hit her for being a bitch because she's the president's daughter.

*Apparently in the Coryverse there's a show/game called KUNG FU KATS.

*This game took about three-four hours to beat, tops.

*I hate this game

RATING: D

for

DURRR I'M CORY HERE'S MY BIG FAT HEAD I SURE LIKE TO MAKE MONEY HURR DURR SPEND THE MONEY IN THE GAME ON UPGRADING WEAPONS OR BUYING ME CLOTHING

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY

I'M CORY



CORRRRYYYYYY AND HIS FAT HEAD IN THE FAT HOUSE